Genius wants to buy my old computer

Background info: I was selling a computer through an online ad, and after almost a month of getting silly comments and questions, I finally lost it and decided to take it all out on this guy:

Here's the ad followed by emails we exchanged:

Macintosh Dual G5 1.8 PPC with Two Mirai 22" LCD Monitors (1680x1050px) and two printers (HP Deskjet D2460 and Samsung Laser Black & white A4).

Primary HDD: Original 80 Gbytes, Secondary HDD: Sata 200 Gbytes, Keyboard, Mighty Mouse, OS X 10.5.8

System Profiler Info: Model Name: Power Mac G5, Model Identifier: PowerMac7,3, Processor Name: PowerPC G5 (2.2), Processor Speed: 1.8 GHz, Number Of CPUs: 2, L2 Cache (per CPU): 512 KB, Memory: 3 GB, Bus Speed: 900 MHz, ATI Radeon 9600 XT.

500 Euros (Non Negotiable)

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Fri, May 20, 2011 at 5:25 PM
subject: Interest in ad

Hello [My Name]!
Nuno Castro has sent you the following message:

I'll give you 200 Euros for the Mac tower.

Thank You
Nuno Castro

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Fri, May 20, 2011 at 5:41 PM
subject: Re: Interest in ad

Hello Nuno,

Thank you for your kind offer. I will certainly consider it for the next 30 seconds.
...
...
...
Done.

I'm counter-proposing several different packets that comply with the part of my original ad that reads "Non Negotiable".

a) 200 Eur for the tower + 300 Eur for everything else.
b) 10 Eur for the tower + 490 Eur for everything else.
c) 20 Eur for each monitor, 60 for the laser printer, 100 for inkjet printer and 300 for the tower.
d) everything for 10 Eur plus a 490 Eur fee for having to waste time with absurd offers.

Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Fri, May 20, 2011 at 5:59 PM
subject: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Won't you sell it for 200 Eur?

Thank You
Nuno Castro

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Fri, May 20, 2011 at 7:16 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Hello Nuno,

Thank you for proposing the exact same thing twice. It's always better that way, just in case I misunderstood you the first time.
Of course I'll sell the tower for 200 Eur! All prices are negotiable providing the final sum of all 5 products remains the same. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote Non Negotiable.

I've attached a graphical version of my counter-proposal. As you can see, the tower is now 200 Eur.
Hope we can do business soon.

Kind Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 2:37 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

More or less how much is the postage? Because I'm from Porto.

Regards
Nuno Castro

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 2:50 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Good Afternoon,

Thank you for contacting me again. I would like to adequately answer your question but I need to know if you're referring to postage for just the tower or the whole package.

Kind Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 3:18 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Just the tower? The tower's price isn't negotiable. is it really 200 Eur.?

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 3:36 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Good Afternoon,

Thank you again for your email, it's always a pleasure to do online business of this nature.

I was thinking of quitting my job and trying my luck at the nearest post office, that way I would have better insight to answer questions about postage fees, but, because the country is going through a crisis, I feel quitting my current job is a somewhat risky maneuver. However if I did work at the post office, and i wanted to transport a computer from Lisbon to Porto I would charge two distinct fees, one for sunny days and one for rainy days. Assuming the transport would be in non-waterproof cardboard boxes, and if these got wet, that would make them heavier, therefor the postage would be greater, but only for the second half of the journey, because the boxes would be dry at the start, unless the client requested a pre-wetting.

One day tele-transportation will be possible for this type of thing, but I also cannot estimate what would be the cost involved. Do you think the prices will still be calculated based on size and weight, or rather based on density and molecule count? I hope I live long enough to see those days.

As I have stated several times, both in the form of text and images, in my previous emails, the tower is 200 Eur. or 10 or 300, depending on the bundle you choose, the bundle price however remains unaltered.

Regarding the transport, it is also a flexible situation. I can send just the tower and then you can come down and pick up the rest, I can send everything, you can ask a friend to come and get it, or, if you own another computer, I can turn it on and you can work remotely and even enjoy the dual monitor capabilities (depending on which remote control software you use).

Kind Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 3:58 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

So the tower is 200 Eur?

I just didn't get how much the postage fees for the tower are.

The remote control application I have is teamviewer. We can try to connect so I can see it working.

Thank you

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 4:31 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Dear Nuno,

I've noticed you use the nickname "Strokes", that in English can mean many things, ranging from sudden loss of brain function caused by a blocked or ruptured blood vessel to lightly rubbing something with the hand. I'm more inclined to the first one, as thinking about the second one disturbs me.

I'm happy you contacted me again, because I am very fond of this computer and I do not want to sell it to just anyone. I will sleep better at night knowing it went to an intelligent, responsible and sensitive person, who will enjoy many hours of work and fun on a machine that has brought myself many joys.

This computer is wonderful, and can connect remotely to almost anything. Personally I do not know teamviewer, but since it has the word 'team' in its name, I'm guessing it will work without any problems. I am not at home right now, but you can connect at will since I left the computer on.

Kind Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 7:20 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Can you send me more photos?

Thank you

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 7:29 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 7:54 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

You didn't send me photos of the tower like I asked. Could you please send them.

Thank you

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 7:59 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Dear Nuno,

Attached you'll find a photo of the tower.

Kind Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:06 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

I'm sorry but the attachment did not contain a photo of the tower.
I would appreciate if you could send me photos of just the tower.

Thank you
Nuno Casto

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:11 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:14 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Interest in ad

Could you send a photo of the Mac?

Thank you

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:20 PM
subject: Mac

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:24 PM
subject: Re: Mac

I don't think it's funny anymore, I would appreciate if you would send the photos of the mac g5 (aplle)

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:38 PM
subject: Re: Re: Mac

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:44 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Mac

I would like to see photos of the powermax g5

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:53 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Mac

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 8:56 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Mac

I can see you don't have a tower for sale. if you do I would like you to send photos.

from: Rachel [My Girlfriend at the time]
to: Nuno Castro
cc: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 9:24 PM
subject: ???

Are you the guy that's trying to buy [My Name]'s computer?
He said he would sell it to me first!!!
I was almost sending him the 600 euros he had asked for.
I've been to his house and all and I really want that computer because it's great and a good deal!

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
cc: Rachel
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 9:34 PM
subject: Re: ???

That's right, I had forgotten. I had promised to sell the computer to Rachel for 600 euros, because she was going to keep the cat too. You see, the cat, not only is a pest, but he loves that computer and won't get off it. It will be hard to separate them.
Would you like to have everything for 600 euros? (cat included)

for 700 you get 2 cats
for 1000 you get 2 cats and a dog (PowerMax G5)

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:38 PM
subject: Re: Re: ???

Go Fuck yourself.

from:Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:44 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: ???

Hello Nuno,

Thanks for your email. Are you still interested in the computer?

Kind Regards,

Me

from: Nuno Castro
to: Me
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:56 PM
subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: ???

Yes, I've told you I am, but you have to send me photos or I won't buy it.

from: Me
to: Nuno Castro
date: Thu, May 26, 2011 at 11:58 PM
subject: Photos