May 29, 2011

Letter to my brother

from: Me
to: Brother
date: Sat, May 28, 2011 at 2:38 AM
subject: Got Money 4 You

Hi Bro,

Cash has arrived. Total is xx,xxx so you get x,xxx. 

My account won't allow me to send that much 'cause I don't have the stupid Token-thingy-ma-jig, so I'll send it over in smaller chunks. Was thinking of 10 euros per week. Sounds fair and it's a good deal for you, this way you wont spend it all at once and you can sleep well at night knowing that every week you're gonna get 10 more. Think of it as a very cool job, where I'm the employer and you are the employee, except you don't have to do anything to get paid. 

I will send the first 10 as soon as possible, and when you run out let me know so I can send some more (please forward all invoices to my email account so I can check that you're spending it wisely) 

There is of course a small catch. As I'm required to log onto my home banking every week, and this can be a risk in the sense that the more you use the system, the greater the chances are of someone seeing you type in your password and taking control of your account, added to the increased stress and work this will bring to my life, I feel I should be paid a small fee for every transfer. Let's say 5 Euros, negotiable, of course. 

Also, it's only fair that I should get a little compensation for using my very expensive Macintosh to perform these tasks. These things are no longer built to last like in the old days, and there are many wears and tears to consider, like the gradual wearing of the keyboard and mouse buttons, hard drive degradation, memory usage, etc. Let's say 4 euros/week, also negotiable. 

For the strain my beautiful 27'' monitor causes on my eyes, I'll require 4,35 / week. 

Of course, these things cannot be accomplished without the use of my internet line, which also costs money and I strongly feel, in all fairness, that you should participate in that cost too. How does 3 euros / week sound? 

There is still the matter of electricity to account for. 3,5 euros / week seems fair. 

While I'm doing this, I won't be doing any work, so that's another 5 euros / week for my time. 

Coming up with this plan involved careful thought, some minor math skills and use of a computer. Here I must say that these skills did not come cheap, so I'll include a small amount to compensate for all these years of studying. 8 euros / week seems about right to me. If you knew how much I charge for my services, you would be very happy with this deal. 

I'm guessing that sometimes I'm going to be hungry or thirsty, so we can add 9,95 for food and beverages every week. 

Oh, and I need a new hard drive, and I see no reason why you should not participate in this cost too. 6 euros /week. 

BTW, my birthday is coming up soon, and what I want this year is, funny enough, 10 euros per week. 

This amounts to exactly 58,80 euros, minus the 10 I was going to send you initially, so it's 48,80 but I feel this should be rounded up to make things easier, so please send 50 euros every week for the next 564 weeks and we'll be even. 

You can use bank transfer, or the donate button on my website which uses paypal for your convenience. 


Have a nice weekend, 


P.S. don't forget to send me the invoices.

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