February 17, 2016

Steve: The First of The Mohicans

Phone rings. Marc doesn’t answer... A few minutes later he calls back:

[Marc]: ‘You called?... Wassup?’

[Steve]: ‘Hey Marc! I’m starting a new tribe.’

[Marc]: ‘What?’

[Steve]: ‘I was Just calling to ask if you wanna be part of it...’

[Marc]: ‘You mean, like a member?’

[Steve]: ‘Yeah!’

[Marc]: ‘Of a tribe?’

[Steve]: ‘Yep!’

[Marc]: ‘What’s the catch? Do I have to pay?’

[Steve]: ‘No man, you're good. It's free.’

[Marc]: ‘Then what do I have to do?’

[Steve]: ‘Nothing much, just be one of us... Well one of me, 'cause I'm the first.’

[Marc]: ‘So I just say yes, and that's it, i'm in the tribe?’

[Steve]: ‘Sure!’

[Marc]: ‘...and then what?’

[Steve]: ‘Nothing much, we'll get some more members and do some tribal things.’

[Marc]: ‘Like what?’

[Steve]: ‘I dunno. Eat and drink and dance and shit...’

[Marc]: ‘What's the point of that?’

[Steve]: ‘What's the point of any tribe? We'll be like a cool gang or something.’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah, but what for?’

[Steve]: ‘So that others know who we are...’

[Marc]: ‘Not sure I get it...’

[Steve]: ‘You never wanted to be part of a tribe?’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah, but like...when I was 7...’

[Steve]: ‘It’ll be fun!’

[Marc]: ‘What's the tribe called?’

[Steve]: ‘The Motchicans!’

[Marc]: ‘The Mexicans?’

[Steve]: ‘No, no! The Motchicans... MO-TCHI-CANS.’

[Marc]: ‘Dude, it sounds like The Mexicans.’

[Steve]: ‘But it's not.’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah but people won't know that. They'll just call us the Mexicans.’

[Steve]: ‘Motchicans!’

[Marc]: ‘Also sounds a bit like something-Chickens... More-Chickens...’

[Steve]: ‘Look man, we can have a meeting about that later, right now I just need to know if you're in or not. Got a lot more phone calls to make...’

[Marc]: ‘I'm not sure... You're asking me to be part of a tribe that doesn't exist and doesn't even have a decent name.’

[Steve]: ‘I does exist. I am The First of the Motchicans!’

[Marc]: ‘Hang on, got another call coming in.’


[Marc]: ‘Hey Dave, how's it going?’

[Dave]: ‘All good here... Listen... Have you spoken to Steve lately?’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah, he's on the other line.’

[Dave]: ‘Did he tell you about his new tribe?’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah, what's up with that? He wants me to join...’

[Dave]: ‘Yeah, he asked me the same thing.’

[Marc]: ‘And what did you say?’

[Dave]: ‘I said it sounded like The Mexicans...’

[Marc]: ‘Lol, that’s what I said.’

[Dave]: ‘He's lost it man.’

[Marc]: ‘What did you tell him?’

[Dave]: ‘Said I'd think about it... Didn't want to hurt his feelings, y’know.’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah, I get that... I’m gonna say the same thing... Hang on... He’s on the other line.’


[Marc]: ‘Yo Steve!’

[Steve]: ‘Yeah?’

[Marc]: ‘Can I think about it?’

[Steve]: ‘C'mon man, that's what Dave said... What is there to think about?’

[Marc]: ‘I dunno, I just have so much going on right now, not sure I have time to be in a tribe.’

[Steve]: ‘Awww dude! Don't leave me hanging here. Just say yes, we'll sort it out later.’

[Marc]: ‘Okay, fuck it, I'm in.’

[Steve]: ‘Cool man. Thanks!’

[Marc]: ‘So what now?’

[Steve]: ‘Well, now you're a Motchican!’

[Marc]: ‘Ok, cool... er... thanks, I guess. Listen, I got another call waiting... Talk later.’

[Steve]: ‘Ok, see ya.’


[Marc]: ‘Dave?’

[Dave]: ‘Yep.’

[Marc]: ‘Fuck, I said yes man, don’t know why... He sounded sad...’

[Dave]: ‘Ha ha ha... Fuck man, so you're a Motchican now?’

[Marc]: ‘Apparently.’

[Dave]: ‘You guys crack me up...’

[Marc]: ‘Oh C'mon, you gotta join now, don't leave me alone on this.’

[Dave]: ‘You're not alone, you've got Steve, The very first of the Motchicans...’ (bursts into laughter)

[Marc]: ‘Hey, you owe me man. For pulling you out of the river the other day.’

[Dave]: ‘Ok dude, I'm just playing with ya. I'll call Steve and tell him I'm joining too.’

[Marc]: ‘Thanks man. I was getting worried.’

[Dave]: ‘Catch ya later Motchican!’

[Marc]: ‘Lol. Laterzzz!’


[Dave]: ‘Yo Stevie! That offer to join the tribe still open?’

[Steve]: ‘Sure Dave.’

[Dave]: ‘Count me in then.’

[Steve]: ‘Coolness dude! You're the Third of the Motchicans!’

[Dave]: ‘Not sure I'm too proud of that.’

[Steve]: ‘It'll be fun dude, you'll see.’

[Dave]: ‘Yeah, we'll see about that. Hey, did mark mention a name change?’

[Steve]: ‘Yeah... Don't know what you guys have against The Motchicans.’

[Dave]: ‘It's just not a good one man... Too ambiguous, I dunno...’

[Steve]: ‘Got any better suggestions?’

[Dave]: ‘What does it even mean?’

[Steve]: ‘What Motchican?’

[Dave]: ‘Yeah.’

[Steve]: ‘Nothing, I just thought it was a nice name.’

[Dave]: ‘So we can change it then?’

[Steve]: ‘I suppose so...’

[Dave]: ‘Ok, what other tribes are in this area?’

[Steve]: ‘I dunno...’

[Dave]: ‘What if there's already a tribe called the Motchicans?’

[Steve]: ‘I don't think there is.’

[Dave]: ‘How do you know if you don't know any of the other tribes?’

[Steve]: ‘Well, I can’t be sure, but it’s unlikely... I made that name up.’

[Dave]: ‘Better to be sure, no?’

[Steve]: ‘I suppose you’re right. I’ll check around.’

[Dave]: ‘Okay. Call me back when you know something.’

[Steve]: ‘Will do.’


[Dave]: ‘Marc, it’s me again... I’m in.’

[Marc]: ‘Thanks man.’

[Dave]: ‘No problem.’

[Marc]: ‘So what’s he up to now?’

[Dave]: ’Trying to find out if the name’s already taken.’

[Marc]: ‘Thought we were changing the name...’

[Dave]: ‘Yeah, I tried. Not sure... he really likes it...’

[Marc]: ‘What if we change it to something that sort of sounds the same?’

[Dave]: ‘Yeah, maybe... Got any suggestions?’

[Marc]: ‘I dunno... The Mosicans? Molicans?’

[Dave]: ‘Anything man... doesn’t matter...’

[Marc]: ‘The Mojicans?’

[Dave]: ‘Mowicans?’

[Marc]: ‘Mohicans?’

[Dave]: ‘Lol... They all sound the same...’

[Marc]: ‘Just pick one then...’

[Dave]: ‘Okay, the last one.’

[Marc]: ‘Done! I’m gonna call Steve!’

[Dave]: ‘Ok dude!’


[Marc]: ‘Hey... Steve?’

[Steve]: ‘Yeah?’

[Marc]: ‘It’s Marc again...’

[Steve]: ‘Hi.’

[Marc]: ‘How about The Mohicans?’

[Steve]: ‘What, with an h?’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah...’

[Steve]: ‘I like it... Sounds tribal.’

[Marc]: ‘Yeah, it does a bit...’

[Steve]: ‘Okay, we’ll go with that!... The First of The Mohicans!’

[Marc]: ‘Okay dude. Chill. Gotta go!’

[Steve]: ‘What about... Marc?... Are you there?... Marc?...’

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